Grumpy Smurf

Do you remember the smurfs? Those little blue guys with the white hats on Saturday morning cartoons. I remember Jokey and Sleepy and, of course, Papa Smurf. But mostly I remember Grumpy Smurf. He was the one that said "I hate ..." everything. Lately, I've been a Grumpy Smurf. Maybe it is because Aly has been sick. Maybe I just missed Mike too much when he was gone this weekend. Maybe the freezing cold and the snow are making me ooky. I've been sick too, since last Wednesday night - today it is the start of a sore throat. Regardless of the reason, I've been a grumpy smurf, at home and at work. I have little patience. Snarky comments blurt out of my mouth if I don't bite my tongue. I've likely been impossible to live with.
Then yesterday, someone said (online), "are you ok, you've seemed down lately" and it hit me. I'm depressed. I haven't wanted to get out of bed. I've had headaches and backaches. I don't even want to eat. Hello! Something's definitely wrong here. So, you know that commercial that asks "Where does depression hurt?". Well, it is a picture of my life for the past week.
Depression can hurt everywhere — both emotionally and physically. Someone with depression might think or say any of the following:
"I feel sad all the time."
"I just don't feel like myself."
"I don't enjoy being with my friends or doing any of the things I usually love to do."
"I feel completely overwhelmed by my life. I can't see a way out."
"I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately."
"I keep having aches and pains, and I don't know why."
Depression is not just a temporary mood, and it's not a sign of personal weakness. People with depression can experience a variety of emotional and physical symptoms.
For some people, it's a matter of feeling sad, overwhelmed, or stressed out. For others, aches, pains, fatigue, and other physical problems are part of their depression too. In fact, research suggests that about two-thirds of people diagnosed with depression talk to their family doctors first about physical symptoms.
So, here I am, for all the world to see, admitting that I've slipped into depression. I am not doing this for the 'awww, feel better!" comments either. I am posting this for two reasons: first, to force myself out of it. Just like this morning when I forced myself out of bed, out of my pajamas, and later today, out of the house. The other reason is so that if you've felt this way, you know it's not in your head. It's not 'just a bad week'. And that you have to work to get out of it -- it won't just go away.
So, I'm working on it now. I'll pull out of it, like I have before. It isn't easy. In fact, there are some schools of thought that true depression can only be helped by medication. That is not true for me. I have been clinically depressed and I have come through it without medication (I've also had episodes that did require medication). I just hope that if you've felt this way, you'll talk to someone. That you'll get help, maybe even meds. I'm going to. I don't want to be a grumpy smurf. That doesn't mean I won't still have some snarky comments though. :)