Attention fellow travelers

On my 5.5 hr flt 2429 to Seattle:
please take a moment to consoldate your luggage, find your boarding pass, and call your friends and family to shout about leaving Atlanta. There will be no coughing or sneezing, kicking or screaming, or stories regarding your life history in or about row 28 --- WAIT, row 6, I've been upgraded.
If you don't know which zone you are in, you aren't in first class, so get away from the priority boarding lane and out of my way.
Thank you for your attention and cooperation. Remember, there are 6,000,000,000 people on this planet ... You only need to be nice to the other 179 on this flight for the next 5 hours.