Flight Announcement
Yes, I travel a lot. And by now, I have that flight announcement script down pat. I especially like the chick in the Delta video. Anyway, if something changes, I know it and here are some of the things I've heard, interspersed with the actual "normal" text. I love it when I have a flight attendant with a sense of humor. Even better is a Captain who loves his job....
Good morning, this is Captain Lert and First Officer Wide Awake here on Delta Connection flight 5123. Please listen to all of our flight attendant's announcements and he'll get out the cart with the cold coffee and flat soda. If Detroit wasn't in your travel plans today, it is about to be. This is a CRJ200 aircraft. If you have any questions, please write them on a $20 bill and pass them forward. Thank you for flying Delta, and the next time you choose to hurtle through the atmosphere in a high speed pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us. Now, sit back, relax and enjoy the flight, or lean forward all scrunched up, it's your choice.
Then there is the exit row seating briefing...
They told you up there at the gate that you are seated in an exit row, but they're afraid you might forget, so I have to remind you down here. You are in an exit row. You must be over the age of 15 to sit in an exit row. Ladies, I'll check your IDs later.
And this is a compilation of what I've actually heard from flight attendants (yes, I keep a notepad at the ready to capture the funny stuff). Alexis was the most hilarious, but once a guy did the whole thing with an Australian accent and the girls in the aisle could not hold it together.
Hello, my name is Alexis but I will also answer to "the Queen" or "Your Highness". Welcome to our Barbie fun jet. Anything larger than a toaster oven will not fit on this plane in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you. If you ever want to see your luggage again, you must comply with lighted signs, posted placards, crew instructions, and the voices in my head.
Smoking is not allowed on any Delta aircraft, and Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying a lavatory smoke detector, plus you'll receive a really embarrassing beatdown by Lulu, my imaginary friend. Anyone caught smoking will be asked to step out onto the wing, which is our designated smoking area.
In case you haven't been in a moving vehicle since the 1950's, here is how to fasten your seatbelt -- place the metal tip into the buckle, and tighten the straps so that it fits low and tight across your hips. To release, lift the top of the buckle. During the flight, the fasten seatbelt sign may be turned off, and you can feel free to move about our spacious cabin; however, for your safety, we require that you keep your seatbelt fastened at all times while seated as we cannot predict rough air or pilot aerobatics.
If cabin pressure should change, panels above your seat will open revealing a jungle of oxygen masks. No, its not Halloween. Once you sit down, buckle up, stop screaming and waving your arms, reach up and pull a mask towards you. Place it over your nose and mouth, and secure with the elastic band, that can be adjusted to ensure a snug fit. Remember to breathe normally. Yes, don't forget to breathe. The plastic bag will not fully inflate, although oxygen is flowing. Secure your own mask first before helping others. If you are traveling with a child, secure your mask first. If you are traveling with more than one child, please choose your favorite or the one who shows the most potential.
Life vests are located beneath, or between your seats. Remove the vest from the pouch by pulling on the tab. Place the vest over your head, and fasten the straps to the front of the vest. Adjust the straps loosely around your waist. As you leave the aircraft, inflate the vest by pulling down on the red tabs, or manually inflate by blowing into the tubes on either side. A light can be activated in the water by pulling down on the tab in front. Do not inflate your life vest inside the aircraft. In the event our aircraft decides to become the Costa Concordia, your seat bottom cushion can be used as a flotation device. Pull the cushion from the seat, slip your arms into the straps, and hold on for dear life.
To prepare for our final countdown for blastoff, please store your tray table, bring your seat upright, and discontinue the use of all electronic devices. Anything with an on/off switch must be turned off. This includes iPhones, iPods, iPads, eReaders, Blackberrys and other fruit. If it is not keeping you alive, turn it off. Contrary to popular belief you can live without your Blackberry. So, turn it off.
I'll be dimming the cabin lights to enhance the looks of our early morning crew. Your reading light is located above your head, as is the flight attendant call button. If you push it too often, it will eject you from the aircraft.
Good morning, this is Captain Lert and First Officer Wide Awake here on Delta Connection flight 5123. Please listen to all of our flight attendant's announcements and he'll get out the cart with the cold coffee and flat soda. If Detroit wasn't in your travel plans today, it is about to be. This is a CRJ200 aircraft. If you have any questions, please write them on a $20 bill and pass them forward. Thank you for flying Delta, and the next time you choose to hurtle through the atmosphere in a high speed pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us. Now, sit back, relax and enjoy the flight, or lean forward all scrunched up, it's your choice.
Then there is the exit row seating briefing...
They told you up there at the gate that you are seated in an exit row, but they're afraid you might forget, so I have to remind you down here. You are in an exit row. You must be over the age of 15 to sit in an exit row. Ladies, I'll check your IDs later.
And this is a compilation of what I've actually heard from flight attendants (yes, I keep a notepad at the ready to capture the funny stuff). Alexis was the most hilarious, but once a guy did the whole thing with an Australian accent and the girls in the aisle could not hold it together.
Hello, my name is Alexis but I will also answer to "the Queen" or "Your Highness". Welcome to our Barbie fun jet. Anything larger than a toaster oven will not fit on this plane in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you. If you ever want to see your luggage again, you must comply with lighted signs, posted placards, crew instructions, and the voices in my head.
Smoking is not allowed on any Delta aircraft, and Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying a lavatory smoke detector, plus you'll receive a really embarrassing beatdown by Lulu, my imaginary friend. Anyone caught smoking will be asked to step out onto the wing, which is our designated smoking area.
In case you haven't been in a moving vehicle since the 1950's, here is how to fasten your seatbelt -- place the metal tip into the buckle, and tighten the straps so that it fits low and tight across your hips. To release, lift the top of the buckle. During the flight, the fasten seatbelt sign may be turned off, and you can feel free to move about our spacious cabin; however, for your safety, we require that you keep your seatbelt fastened at all times while seated as we cannot predict rough air or pilot aerobatics.
If cabin pressure should change, panels above your seat will open revealing a jungle of oxygen masks. No, its not Halloween. Once you sit down, buckle up, stop screaming and waving your arms, reach up and pull a mask towards you. Place it over your nose and mouth, and secure with the elastic band, that can be adjusted to ensure a snug fit. Remember to breathe normally. Yes, don't forget to breathe. The plastic bag will not fully inflate, although oxygen is flowing. Secure your own mask first before helping others. If you are traveling with a child, secure your mask first. If you are traveling with more than one child, please choose your favorite or the one who shows the most potential.
Life vests are located beneath, or between your seats. Remove the vest from the pouch by pulling on the tab. Place the vest over your head, and fasten the straps to the front of the vest. Adjust the straps loosely around your waist. As you leave the aircraft, inflate the vest by pulling down on the red tabs, or manually inflate by blowing into the tubes on either side. A light can be activated in the water by pulling down on the tab in front. Do not inflate your life vest inside the aircraft. In the event our aircraft decides to become the Costa Concordia, your seat bottom cushion can be used as a flotation device. Pull the cushion from the seat, slip your arms into the straps, and hold on for dear life.
To prepare for our final countdown for blastoff, please store your tray table, bring your seat upright, and discontinue the use of all electronic devices. Anything with an on/off switch must be turned off. This includes iPhones, iPods, iPads, eReaders, Blackberrys and other fruit. If it is not keeping you alive, turn it off. Contrary to popular belief you can live without your Blackberry. So, turn it off.
I'll be dimming the cabin lights to enhance the looks of our early morning crew. Your reading light is located above your head, as is the flight attendant call button. If you push it too often, it will eject you from the aircraft.
posted by Tonya at
6:46 PM
My 
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home